Emptiness seems to fill my world of late, again. Too many things about which I cannot be bothered but that keep popping into my life whether I like it or not. A constant list of names that harass my brain, and people who cannot mind their own business or rather have no control of their own lives trying to preach what others best do with theirs.

I am on a path of my own, having yet to discern my direction or destination.

The rollercoaster ride of emotions, love and indifference; plateaus, screams and tiredness have taken the best of me. A pack of losers and a bunch of conniving liars..world is just a dark place all over again, and I am not even bothered lighting matches. Memory be my curse, and emotions be any woman’s fall. I am a victim of both, double jeopardy.

In a state of despair I head down memory lane, a collection of photos and voyages of far off lands. I miss the lanes of solitude and silence, and cabins, cheerful chatter of friends. I missed Marina who volunteers to stab a man with a folk for me, and Shehan the watchman of intruding snow walking in with my shoes and without his prior approval. I missed those woods and windows of winter, and the tropical heat within the cabin and my walks at midnight through the barking of an unseen dog by day time and heard as night falls.

Life has moved on, and I believe I had moved on. But clicks of the past, recall and remain of what was cherished and what sometimes keep rushing in, unexpected.

I tell him I want to go back, I want to be in a cabin. He says we should go, we spend the night talking, describing the past, places, people and hands..till depression strikes me and tears roll down my cheeks not to be noticed, not by him, nor anyone.

Run away to far far away..from emotions, anger and frustration. Pack and leave from the world I know to a world I wouldn’t know, would have to learn to know and would hopefully be indifferent to me, as I am to it.

Rathindra says he is telling the truth, and I try to believe him. But truth be relative. I don’t think I know much of relativity or of truth, or of lies, or anything else for that matter.

I submit to harsh winds of the past, the present and maybe the next winter..and await the summers when I might see some light and feel some warmth.

Now this is what I call "cake"!

It has been a while since I wanted to write about the glorious chocolate addiction of mine, then I was too busy traveling from one end of the world to the other, while living on chocolate, and a little too held up to be writing ..though of course the image of chocolate on arrival was always in mind.

The name plays irony with me as I, a person of high cholesterol levels should not be having any form of cake, and is highly prone to “death by chocolate” in literal sense. Then again, I find it immensely hard to resist the temptation of “death by chocolate” both literally and figuratively.

At moments of depression and frustration, I always think of chocolate cake, (this has been the case since a child), but of late, the mind seems to ring only one bell well, and that being the one that goes “death by chocolate”. I would walk the streets of different corners of the world, and still have thoughts of “death by chocolate” in mind (call me lame if you may, then I have difficulty in NOT craving for it). Yes, I am insane, and well mind drive myself to death one of these days, but then again, I wonder who can really regret dying of chocolate! I mean wouldn’t that be any choco addict’s wish?

Too many stories and moments link up with the beauty of the cake, while I have spent numerous evenings dropping into Coco to pick just a piece of this glory to make sure I had reduced my temptation levels. I have been banned by my boyfriend and then also Coco herself on purchasing this chocolaty delight. Well has it worked? I doubt.

I remember stories of leaving behind a piece of cake in the back of my touk touk and lamenting over it for the rest of the day..(not the best memory to recall) And I remember carrying a piece of cake into Alliance to cheer myself up, just with anticipation that would be for a good cause while trying to get through an extensively annoying day..

Well I am sure the saner ones among you would call me a nuisance for going on for this long about a piece of cake, and who knows I might go on for a while more, edit this and write more..but then for those who know what I speak of I am sure “you” understand that I am NOT speaking of any “piece of cake”. I speak of “the” most chocolaty piece of cake!!

OK, time’s up to shush. Off I go to have more choco at Coco ..where the ambiance seems to have vastly improved of late, and for which my nostalgia seems to increase each day..

“We need leadership in action..It must take us a few steps forward and not back..We should not also be only talking about the second commitment..we need to start discussion of the legal work of the future framework. The work needs to start in Durban..There is a need for us to operationalize”

She added that the green climate fund as one of the main issues that needs to be of focus in Durban. “The delegation in that plenary..there is not one saying we do not want the green climate fund..they say that it needs to be operationalised in Durban…We do not waste time, we move to the sources of funding, ..here tomorrow”

She also highlighted that “we need more inputs..so that by the time we adopt this, it will really take us forward..For small islands and developing countries they are saying this is not about adaptation but about survival..on adaptation the approach has been fragmented.” Thus she stressed further the need to concentrate on how can we make the mechanisms are well coordinated while differentiating technology mechanisms from technology transfer. She stated “technology mechanisms are not same as technology transfer”

Highlighting that language plays a key role in the UN negotiations she added further, “I have also learnt that in UN language, language makes a difference. If we let it lose, then all of us have to wait passive.”

Following her speech the President of COP 17, was willing to answer questions of youth. The questions posed to her were mainly centred on the green climate fund, gender and female negotiators in delegations, and the inputting of youth recommendations to the process.

“Q1. Much of what you spoke about was how will we fill the green fund how do we fill it..what is your opinion on innovative financing, and financial tax?

“ Q2. How have the informal talks been going on climate fund and its operation?”

“Q3. How do you ensure the involvement of more female negotiators and youth delegates in the negotiations?”

“Q4. What will happen if Kyoto Protocol fails in Durban?”

“Q5. Civil society submissions and their expectation, we never received an appreciation of it, we want to make sure that the document is useful somewhere”

Answering the questions collectively, H.E Maite Nkoana-Mashabane stated that the document sent by the youth constituency had been received and that the suggestions and the recommendations will be taken into account.
“The document has been received. We have appointed a senior government official to listen to the civil society needs. The Ambassador of South Africa will be working with the civil society till we appoint a new team.”
“Why am I not responding? I will be cheating if I sit here and start drafting outcomes.. I have to take your inputs to the that plenary..so that that outcomes what come from Durban will be influenced in making those decisions.”

“Globally women are a majority in all of the populations” but she added that the inclusion of women “is a struggle that we need to keep fighting for. No society strives by only using one hand. a society that needs to be dynamic needs to use both hands.” She also stressed on the role of youth in ensuring that there be accountability and inclusion of all parties in the delegations.

If KP fails..” these delegates, the leadership here needs to take the responsibility..what I hear from the delegates is that KP alone is not a solution to the problems we have, we need to work on the future framework.”

“CDMs are linked to the KP. There are many other elements that have developed with KP. We cannot be talking about KP and KP alone. We need to look at how we can advance this.. we need to work on elevating the ambition against of mitigating against climate change.”

She also added “because we are here..I am taking photos of you guys for memory”

“On the female negotiations I agree with you. We don’t need female only delegations but it needs to be balanced. And the language in the process makes it difficult for people to relate to the day to day realities.”

“We have no delegation saying that the Green Climate Fund should not happen. By the time the Ministers and Presidents arrive they will see that our negotiators have made a lot of progress. I must say that I have been quite heartened by the progress the negotiators are making. It has been difficult but there has been progress”

“There is no one saying that it must not happen now. We want to start hearing commitments..even with the global economic meltdown..how do we start pledging..I have had some delegations say that we should be up and about and running..we should start talking about the sources of funding..what we are trying to do is not to put cart before the horse.”

“The more we get more overwhelmed the more we get into darker alleys we do not know. We need to provide leadership in action..We should be finding solutions through green mechanisms and CDMs and those that do not undermine our future”

To conclude she added “I know and I prey that we should start getting pledges, and by March if things go well we should start housing this green climate fund..in this gloomy financial situation this leadership in Durban has a responsibility to provide leadership in action.”

Photo credits : Thishya Weragoda

Reply comes in the superficial, diplomatic politeness she has adopted of late.
“I am not interested in men who are taken. Besides I am taken”

“He is single now”

News flash of course. May be his continuation of lying had to end somewhere. When it was not with her, at least with another. Suddenly Karma made sense to her. Well not that she wished ill upon him, but then again, when all is said and done, guess she can believe that what goes around comes around.

She remembers a photo of them, from a while back. Two years to be more precise. They seemed happy despite all the lies. She seemed her naive self where she believed the world was good, he was good and they were good together, till things snapped. He had his arm around her, a sense of protection that she read into it, which later proved an illusion.

The colds and the sweats that were born together on steps of deception and senselessness. Lessons taught and lessons learnt.

He taught her, man was not to be trusted.
She learnt , “he” was not to be trusted.

Life is less frustrating, though I am on happy pills. “ I don’t like you talking to him when you are on happy pills” he says, over lunch at barefoot. I laugh, think how childish it sounds. Then he says he is serious. I nod, with a mental note made to talk over the matter, while I am on my “happy pills”.

Memories of the past be many. I hold onto them, a little too vividly at times. Writing helps to fill in the gaps of those emotions I felt once towards him. The dilemmas and the frustration of non communicated emotions and feelings. Now looking back seem silly and petty at the same time.

Words somehow do not mean much today. A gesture and silence making sense, much sense than many of the rants that I strived to utter back then.

I like silences. Always did. But I like these silences much better. The silences of my skin brushing against his, as he envelopes me into his warmth. Though all of it sounds too lame, it often makes perfect sense.

Been a while..it has been a while.

I was glad for the past that I have not to live, and the present I am living. It reminds me that people make the biggest mistakes and the worse choices, he being the bad choice and I being the maker of decisions.

I am glad for once…glad not to be in compete depression or frustration. Man makes sure I am happy, and of late I realise a life without constant fights is quite peaceful and easy to live than the inversion of it.

In short, I am glad that I found him, and I am glad that all is left of the other him, is a worn off t-shirt, which unlike him is quite soft, without any rough ages, and of quite good quality.

Please take ten minutes to fill this survey so as to help out in coming up on accurate details on the LGBT community in Sri Lanka and the perception of the Lankan society on the concept of living as part of the LGBT community in Sri Lanka.

http://freeonlinesurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=36g21zbqdasm7kt959617#.TnAyRe7rgL8.facebook

Thank you

So yes, this joker who apparently is a “journalist” writes this wonderful article on homosexuals, the legal implications and the threat posed by them to the social context. For those who might want to read this wonderful writing I hereby supply the link so you may click and peruse (if anyone plans to judge the success of the writer by the clicks I would think not the best option for this one, as the horrendous number that might be on the sites stats is all due to the writers lack of skills on dealing with the matter than the skills possessed)

http://www.puvathlanka.com/NEWS/img/rivira/samalingika/samalinga.html

So yea, according to the article the genius journalist has gone on an investigative effort to find the secret behind the organisation that is supplying condoms and lubricants. Well I have a lot to say on the matter, but then again, I think there needs be freedom of thought, interpreted by me to mean the freedom to have your opinion on the matter. So I shush and let you decide for yourself, where the journalism of today’s Sri Lanka is truly headed.

(for those twisted minded individuals who might start processing their brain in the direction that I condemn the writing as I myself am a homosexual, sorry to disappoint you. But need to stress that you do not need to be homosexual to be supportive of one’s sexual freedom)

The workshop will be headed by Mr. Shinaz Mohamed, photographer and environmental activist from Maldives, Mr. Michael Chew, photographer and climate change expert living and working in Bangladesh, and Mr. Thishya Weragoda, lawyer and delegate of SLYCAN delegation to COP 17 of UNFCCC, in Durban.

Registration for the workshop is priced at 750 LKR and for further details please contact Vositha on 0777 597 387.

Hope you reserve your slots before then run out!

It was attended by journalists of different local newspapers (hopefully some articles would be relevant to topics on climate change no this week’s papers) and professionals local and regional. The speakers for the day were Mr. Ashoka Abeygunawardena, adviser to the Minister of Energy, Mr. Malaka Rodrigo, Environmental Journalist of 2010, Mr. Jagath Gunawardena, Mr. Thilak Kariyawasam from Environmental Conservation Trust, Mr. Nugawelli Jayasima from Humane Society International, Mr. Micheal Chew – Concern Universal Bangladesh, and Mr. Ranga Pallawala from Practical Action.

The topics of discussion catered to topics such energy consumption and development, food security and animal agriculture, climate change and community based adaptation, and climate change and governance. In addition to this, there was also a session on the CEI process of Sri Lanka.

The youth summit to be held on the 2nd and 3rd of September will be held at British Council Colombo, and SLYCAN calls for those who would like to be part of it to be there to be part of a movement that is empowered by youth voices.

The agenda for the youth workshop is as follows.

2nd September 2011

9.30 – 10.00 Welcome and introduction

10.00 – 10.15 tea

10.15 – 11.15 Climate Change and Reproductive Health Rights – Mr. Hand Billimoria , Cosultant – Grassrooted Trust

11.15 – 12. 15 Climate Change and Food Security – Mr. Nugevelli Jayasimha, Humane Society International

12.15- 01.30 Lunch

01.30 – 02.00 Climate Change and Community Based Adaptation Mr. Michael Chew – Climate Change Expert ,
Concern Universal Bangladesh
02.00 – 03.00 Climate Change and its Impacts on Biodiversity Mr. Jagath Gunawardena Senior Lawyer
Mr. Thishya Weragoda Lawyer, Delegate – SLYCAN COP17

03.00 – 04.00 Energy Consumption and Development Mr. Ashoka Abeygunawardana – Adviser to Minister of Energy
Energy Forum Sri Lanka

4.00- 05.30 Photography and .multimedia workshop with Shinaz Mohammed (Photographer from Maldives), Thishya Weragoda (Photographer and Lawyer from Sri Lanka), Micheal Chew ( Climate Change Specialist, living and working in Bangladesh)

Attendants for photography workshop limited and priced at 750 LKR per person. The rest of the workshop sessions will be open to all, free of charge.

3rd September 2011

9.30 – 10.30 Climate change and South Asia

10.30 -10.45 Tea

10.45 – 12.00 Moving ahead despite climate change

12.00 – 12.30 Summary and closure of workshops

Those who are interested please contact Vositha on 0777 597 387

SLYCAN wishes to thank the sponsors, Humane Society International, Bank of Ceylon Sri Lanka and venue sponsor British Council